Some of the best procrastination aids, I mean *ahem* instructional sites that have helped me wrap my head around mommyhood deserve recognition. Soooo many hours of potential school work have been spent instead learning about a whole foreign world.
www.pregnantchicken.com
-Wonderful mommy blog with tons of information and questions it wouldn't even occur to me to ask
www.babycentre.ca
-Weekly stats, many useful links,
www.verypink.com
-Knitting patterns with matching video tutorials. This lady rocks the knitting world with easy to follow instructions. I rarely spend money on patterns, but this place is an exception.
www.projectbabyblog.com
-The most upbeat mommy blog I have ever read. An added bonus: she updates literally every day, so there is always something new to read. Gorgeous baby girl, and lots of product reviews.
www.scarymommy.com
-Nice online forums, a very interactive easy to use site with real moms and real stories about virtually everything.
There's more, but I started this late, and now I have to run to class. Yay, only a few more charter politics classes remain in my future!
Monday, 26 March 2012
My Dream House
I'll admit, I was never one of those girls with a file-folder stuffed full of dream wedding ideas. I never fantasised about what my perfect day would be like, and even now, less than three months away from the big day, I am having trouble being excited about things like party favours and colour co-ordinating bouquets. "The Big Day" was never high on my daydream list...
My perfect house, on the other hand has always been a focal point. I grew up in a couple...unusual houses. A log cabin with its own charms and downsides. (Charms: Big wood fireplace. Downsides: Big, scary wood ants from the firewood). I lived in a less-than adequately winterised cottage over the course of several long cold winters, with frozen water systems and a two-seater outhouse. Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And so, throughout my childhood, I've kept mental notes on what does work in a house with 6 kids, and what emphatically, does not. You can share a bed with your little sister until the age of 10 for example, but expect a lot more bickering that way.
The other night, with my own children (and their messiness) in mind, I sat down and made a 22-year old's list of features of her own perfect house. Taz and I plan on building our own as soon as possible. My parents did it, his parents did it, and we want to follow in their inspiring footsteps.
Here's The List so far:
1. NO "Just-Cuz STUFF"
Too much of it as a kid has made me clutter-phobic. Dear lord, no scrap cars, abundance of useless computer geek junk, multiple 53" storage trailers, or 4 rented storage units. None of that please!
2. A central vac. AND a big cleaning closet, properly organised, with shelves
3. Minimum of 3 bathrooms. At least 2 with tub/shower combinations
4. A pantry closet, a side-entrance mudroom, and the laundry room adjacent to his "mudroom". (The. Muck. Stops. Here.)
5. An outdoor patio-style shower drainage system, and a hose (for rinsing off the rascalians)
6. A BIG fridge, in a nice kitchen, but still, a separate chest freezer
7. A double sink in the kitchen, with stainless steel grouting (is that the right word?) all around.
8. A breakfast bar, and a wooden dining room table But those can wait. More importantly, I want a smart kitchen with ceiling pot hangers lowerable by a winch, deep counters (2.5" deep) at an ergonomic height. Deep sinks too.
9. Properly installed shades.
10. A laundry chute from upstairs to the laundry room.
Ok, so I got a little bit fanciful towards the end, but they all have good reasons behind them. Agree? Disagree? Any additional suggestions that made your house better for mommyhood? Its crazy how much domestic thoughts have infiltrated my head recently. The idea that most likely, I will be the partner who stays home is starting to sink in. Soon, school ends, and I get to be a daughter and fiance (and farm hand) for 6 weeks, then wife, then mother, then daughter-in-law and Australian.
My perfect house, on the other hand has always been a focal point. I grew up in a couple...unusual houses. A log cabin with its own charms and downsides. (Charms: Big wood fireplace. Downsides: Big, scary wood ants from the firewood). I lived in a less-than adequately winterised cottage over the course of several long cold winters, with frozen water systems and a two-seater outhouse. Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And so, throughout my childhood, I've kept mental notes on what does work in a house with 6 kids, and what emphatically, does not. You can share a bed with your little sister until the age of 10 for example, but expect a lot more bickering that way.
The other night, with my own children (and their messiness) in mind, I sat down and made a 22-year old's list of features of her own perfect house. Taz and I plan on building our own as soon as possible. My parents did it, his parents did it, and we want to follow in their inspiring footsteps.
Here's The List so far:
1. NO "Just-Cuz STUFF"
Too much of it as a kid has made me clutter-phobic. Dear lord, no scrap cars, abundance of useless computer geek junk, multiple 53" storage trailers, or 4 rented storage units. None of that please!
2. A central vac. AND a big cleaning closet, properly organised, with shelves
3. Minimum of 3 bathrooms. At least 2 with tub/shower combinations
4. A pantry closet, a side-entrance mudroom, and the laundry room adjacent to his "mudroom". (The. Muck. Stops. Here.)
5. An outdoor patio-style shower drainage system, and a hose (for rinsing off the rascalians)
6. A BIG fridge, in a nice kitchen, but still, a separate chest freezer
7. A double sink in the kitchen, with stainless steel grouting (is that the right word?) all around.
8. A breakfast bar, and a wooden dining room table But those can wait. More importantly, I want a smart kitchen with ceiling pot hangers lowerable by a winch, deep counters (2.5" deep) at an ergonomic height. Deep sinks too.
9. Properly installed shades.
10. A laundry chute from upstairs to the laundry room.
Ok, so I got a little bit fanciful towards the end, but they all have good reasons behind them. Agree? Disagree? Any additional suggestions that made your house better for mommyhood? Its crazy how much domestic thoughts have infiltrated my head recently. The idea that most likely, I will be the partner who stays home is starting to sink in. Soon, school ends, and I get to be a daughter and fiance (and farm hand) for 6 weeks, then wife, then mother, then daughter-in-law and Australian.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
23 weeks, and other milestones
Milestone: Spring
The weather gods have blessed us with the most wonderful mid-March week I have ever experienced. Between Tuesday and Wednesday, I was actually outside in a t-shirt or tank top enough to get some serious colour. It makes sitting outside pure pleasure. It makes being stuck inside for classes, or sitting in the library working on papers absolute torture.
Milestone: Two-year anniversary
Taz and I celebrated our two-year anniversary on Tuesday. It was very low key: brunch at one of our favourite restaurants, a walk downtown taking pictures with our wonderful new camera (LOVE!) and then a quick trip to Wolfe Island on the ferry for an hour of pretending we lived in the country. We hardly ever get a full day off together, so it was nice to chill and have no real plans. The sunshine absolutely made the day! What did we do last year for our anniversary? I'm pretty sure we had a snowball fight. It was that shitty a spring. This year the buds are popping on all the trees and the grass is changing from sickly yellow into beautiful lush green.
Isn't green the most beautiful colour in the world?
This is what Taz posted on my facebook wall for our anniversary:
To my beautiful wife to be. Meeting you on that special day is the best thing thats ever happened to me! Your are an amazing person in every way possible.. Together we will make it to the top of our mountain xoxox
Happy 2 year anniversary darling.
P.s Remember the first time we kissed?
I'm marrying this man in less than 3 months :-) It gives my heart the butterflies.
Milestone: School is ending!
I am having more difficulty caring about school work than I thought I would. I gave it a lot of thought, and the best explanation I can come up with is the cliche phrase "my heart ain't in it". In reality, in-depth knowledge about research methods, or Charter rulings is not immediatly applicable to my near future. I would rather spend my days organizing my apartment and getting ready for the move, and haunting online mommy-blogs for useful information or funny stories. Being able to rattle off the history of regionalism in Latin America isn't going to be very useful in the year to come, unless Amelia is anything like her mommy, and in that case it may put her to sleep.
I've handed in 2 BIG essays, and 1 smaller one, and now I have another BIIIIGGG essay due today, which will probably be handed in tomorrow instead, and a couple literature reviews and a book compilation in the near future. Then I have three exams and then....
FREEDOM!!!!!
Milestone: 23 weeks
This is my most comfortable part of this pregnancy so far mentally. For those of you who have read my earlier posts, you will know that for a while there this pregnancy could have gone either way. That kind of shook me up, and combined with the surprise element of this baby girl's conception, it has taken a long long time for this to really sink in for me. But now we rapidly approaching the point in pregnancy where she's reaching "viability". There isn't an exact point, but I always told myself that around 24 weeks I would start breathing easier. The ever expanding waistline and increasingly strong kicks also help make this concrete. Amelia is the size of a winter squash and should weigh over a pound.
Informal Milestone: The Bumps-a-lot and Cries-a-tonne
My tummy is an aggressive presence now! I can no longer suck in my abs and squeeze through our (impossible tiny) kitchen behind Taz. My belly just knudges him out of the way. It also topples me over if I try to quietly crawl into bed, so I go sprawling down with an inelegant thump and grunt! Getting out of the bathtub is a process, and so is tying my own shoes. I forget sometimes, but Amelia doesn't like being squished and gives me a good squirmy reminder of it if I bend over for too long. All I can think is that its going to get worse from here, not better! I don't know how chronic beer drinkers with bellies like Randy from Trailer Park Boys do it for years on end!
Also, my mood swings have kicked it up a notch this week. Taz bears the brunt of it, since my grumpy periods tend to come at the end of the day when I am tired. Earlier this week, we had a tiff about nothing important, and after resolving it, saying sorry, and all that jazz, I then burst into uncontrollable crying, and sobbed into a pillow for five minutes straight. Poor man. He just rubbed my shoulders and told me it was ok to cry and to let it all out. I felt better afterwards, but this is like a daily thing now! Its embarassing for me, since I am generally one of those girls who only cries for very.specific.reasons. I hope this passes soon...
Ok, enough procrastinating. I'm off to write about MERCOSUR and ALBA now. Joy.
The weather gods have blessed us with the most wonderful mid-March week I have ever experienced. Between Tuesday and Wednesday, I was actually outside in a t-shirt or tank top enough to get some serious colour. It makes sitting outside pure pleasure. It makes being stuck inside for classes, or sitting in the library working on papers absolute torture.
Milestone: Two-year anniversary
Taz and I celebrated our two-year anniversary on Tuesday. It was very low key: brunch at one of our favourite restaurants, a walk downtown taking pictures with our wonderful new camera (LOVE!) and then a quick trip to Wolfe Island on the ferry for an hour of pretending we lived in the country. We hardly ever get a full day off together, so it was nice to chill and have no real plans. The sunshine absolutely made the day! What did we do last year for our anniversary? I'm pretty sure we had a snowball fight. It was that shitty a spring. This year the buds are popping on all the trees and the grass is changing from sickly yellow into beautiful lush green.
Isn't green the most beautiful colour in the world?
This is what Taz posted on my facebook wall for our anniversary:
To my beautiful wife to be. Meeting you on that special day is the best thing thats ever happened to me! Your are an amazing person in every way possible.. Together we will make it to the top of our mountain xoxox
Happy 2 year anniversary darling.
P.s Remember the first time we kissed?
I'm marrying this man in less than 3 months :-) It gives my heart the butterflies.
Milestone: School is ending!
I am having more difficulty caring about school work than I thought I would. I gave it a lot of thought, and the best explanation I can come up with is the cliche phrase "my heart ain't in it". In reality, in-depth knowledge about research methods, or Charter rulings is not immediatly applicable to my near future. I would rather spend my days organizing my apartment and getting ready for the move, and haunting online mommy-blogs for useful information or funny stories. Being able to rattle off the history of regionalism in Latin America isn't going to be very useful in the year to come, unless Amelia is anything like her mommy, and in that case it may put her to sleep.
I've handed in 2 BIG essays, and 1 smaller one, and now I have another BIIIIGGG essay due today, which will probably be handed in tomorrow instead, and a couple literature reviews and a book compilation in the near future. Then I have three exams and then....
FREEDOM!!!!!
Milestone: 23 weeks
This is my most comfortable part of this pregnancy so far mentally. For those of you who have read my earlier posts, you will know that for a while there this pregnancy could have gone either way. That kind of shook me up, and combined with the surprise element of this baby girl's conception, it has taken a long long time for this to really sink in for me. But now we rapidly approaching the point in pregnancy where she's reaching "viability". There isn't an exact point, but I always told myself that around 24 weeks I would start breathing easier. The ever expanding waistline and increasingly strong kicks also help make this concrete. Amelia is the size of a winter squash and should weigh over a pound.
Informal Milestone: The Bumps-a-lot and Cries-a-tonne
My tummy is an aggressive presence now! I can no longer suck in my abs and squeeze through our (impossible tiny) kitchen behind Taz. My belly just knudges him out of the way. It also topples me over if I try to quietly crawl into bed, so I go sprawling down with an inelegant thump and grunt! Getting out of the bathtub is a process, and so is tying my own shoes. I forget sometimes, but Amelia doesn't like being squished and gives me a good squirmy reminder of it if I bend over for too long. All I can think is that its going to get worse from here, not better! I don't know how chronic beer drinkers with bellies like Randy from Trailer Park Boys do it for years on end!
Also, my mood swings have kicked it up a notch this week. Taz bears the brunt of it, since my grumpy periods tend to come at the end of the day when I am tired. Earlier this week, we had a tiff about nothing important, and after resolving it, saying sorry, and all that jazz, I then burst into uncontrollable crying, and sobbed into a pillow for five minutes straight. Poor man. He just rubbed my shoulders and told me it was ok to cry and to let it all out. I felt better afterwards, but this is like a daily thing now! Its embarassing for me, since I am generally one of those girls who only cries for very.specific.reasons. I hope this passes soon...
Ok, enough procrastinating. I'm off to write about MERCOSUR and ALBA now. Joy.
Thursday, 15 March 2012
22 Weeks
It's exam season, and I have had a paper due each day for the past 2 days, and one tomorrow. Plus a quiz tomorrow, and ALL my regular classes, with extra group meetings for a book project. Taz is working 5 days in a row, the last one being St. Pats, which will be a 12 hour shift. We basically see each other in the morning, and late at night, and do most of our talking via text, or when we're having sex, which is what we do any time we have spare waking minutes together.
Hey, a girl's gotta have her priorities, right?
Pregnant sex is AWESOME! Pregnant sex is what makes up for pregnant-everything-else. When I'm not thinking about Charter violations, or critical reasoning versus positivism, or feminist research methodologies, or ALBA, I'm thinking about sex.
And food! I can't believe how much my appetite has spiked in the last few days. I don't crave anything in particular, but I want a lot of everything. Luckily we are pretty healthy eaters and don't have junk food in the house as a rule, otherwise I'd be the size of a whale right now.
I don't have much time to post anything else substantial right now. I'm trying to finish this damn 3,000 word essay on Ricci's "Tragedy of Political Science" If any of you pregnant ladies out there are having a hard time getting to sleep, this is a guaranteed insomnia cure. Doesn't work for you? How about reading a 122-page summary of a Canadian Charter case about voting legislation for prisoners? That should do the trick.
Alright, I'm off to be the diligent student.
Hey, a girl's gotta have her priorities, right?
Pregnant sex is AWESOME! Pregnant sex is what makes up for pregnant-everything-else. When I'm not thinking about Charter violations, or critical reasoning versus positivism, or feminist research methodologies, or ALBA, I'm thinking about sex.
And food! I can't believe how much my appetite has spiked in the last few days. I don't crave anything in particular, but I want a lot of everything. Luckily we are pretty healthy eaters and don't have junk food in the house as a rule, otherwise I'd be the size of a whale right now.
I don't have much time to post anything else substantial right now. I'm trying to finish this damn 3,000 word essay on Ricci's "Tragedy of Political Science" If any of you pregnant ladies out there are having a hard time getting to sleep, this is a guaranteed insomnia cure. Doesn't work for you? How about reading a 122-page summary of a Canadian Charter case about voting legislation for prisoners? That should do the trick.
Alright, I'm off to be the diligent student.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
The Post I Have to Write
This is a hard one to get out, has very little to do with babies, and is about as personally revealing as I get.
My sister came to visit us for a reason. The idea for this week came as a result of hearing for months on end how lonely she has been in her small appartment in small-town Wingham, with no one to talk to save her little dog. The blunt reason for this loneliness is that my sister has a disability that she has had from birth. As a result of a stroke during labour, she has partial paralysis on one side of her body, and impaired cognitive abilities. That's the diplomatic way of writing it.
The reality of my sister's life is very different from most of us. She lives on her own, but government assistance is not exactly a large lump of money, and so she usually finds a dingy apartment with questionable neighbours and thin walls. She doesn't have a driver's license, and in the rural area where she lives, there isn't much in the way of social programs for her to get out and involved in the community. A local grocery store hires her for 4 hours a week on Thursdays, but other than that, her time is her own. She tries to make friends, but finds people "awkward" and "rude". I can't be mad at people for this, because sometimes she can be hard to deal with, what with the misunderstanding what I am trying to say, and being easily offended, but if anyone were to take the time to get to know her, they would find a heart of gold and a generous soul.
She is 38. All she wants is a boyfriend, and a family. As far as I know, she's never had a boyfriend, ever.
I live in a very different world, and most of the time I don't see her. She calls me more often than I call her, but for some reason, this doesn't make me feel guilty enough to change. I think it has something to do with how difficult the conversations can be. She is very lonely and very confused as to why she has no one, and what do I say to that? It will get better? In my heart of hearts, I don't think it will. It is hard to hear the pain in her voice, and have nothing of substance to say to make it go away. I can't make her life better, and I'm not very good at making her feel better either.
This is the longest stretch in 6 years that we have spent together, and it has been really hard. Taz is awe inspiring in the way he just gets in there, and exercises the most beautiful patience and compassion I have ever seen. Seriously, that man needs to be a social worker or something. He has so much potential to relate to people! When I am getting frazzled and snappish with her at the end of the day, he steps in and takes over the conversation, and I disappear into my room to recover myself and mull over how unfair the world can be.
Conversations of pregnancy have become strange for me too. Every time we discuss anything to do with Amelia, she gets a wistful expression and says something like "I raised you. I never thought you would have a baby before me." or, "I would give anything in the world to trade places with you." I know she would, but there's a whole world of discrimination preventing that. Men don't look twice at her. She's very shy and timid when meeting strangers (probably more the result of 38 years of bullying than her disability). More than one person has told her she shouldn't have children. Who knows what the medical profession would say to her if she did manage to get pregnant? Who knows what well-meaning child welfare program would get involved?
Last night she was crying on my shoulder, saying she was just so "confused" about why just this once, she couldn't "get her way". And there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to make that better. There isn't a medication for loneliness, and there is no cure for social stigmatisation.
My sister came to visit us for a reason. The idea for this week came as a result of hearing for months on end how lonely she has been in her small appartment in small-town Wingham, with no one to talk to save her little dog. The blunt reason for this loneliness is that my sister has a disability that she has had from birth. As a result of a stroke during labour, she has partial paralysis on one side of her body, and impaired cognitive abilities. That's the diplomatic way of writing it.
The reality of my sister's life is very different from most of us. She lives on her own, but government assistance is not exactly a large lump of money, and so she usually finds a dingy apartment with questionable neighbours and thin walls. She doesn't have a driver's license, and in the rural area where she lives, there isn't much in the way of social programs for her to get out and involved in the community. A local grocery store hires her for 4 hours a week on Thursdays, but other than that, her time is her own. She tries to make friends, but finds people "awkward" and "rude". I can't be mad at people for this, because sometimes she can be hard to deal with, what with the misunderstanding what I am trying to say, and being easily offended, but if anyone were to take the time to get to know her, they would find a heart of gold and a generous soul.
She is 38. All she wants is a boyfriend, and a family. As far as I know, she's never had a boyfriend, ever.
I live in a very different world, and most of the time I don't see her. She calls me more often than I call her, but for some reason, this doesn't make me feel guilty enough to change. I think it has something to do with how difficult the conversations can be. She is very lonely and very confused as to why she has no one, and what do I say to that? It will get better? In my heart of hearts, I don't think it will. It is hard to hear the pain in her voice, and have nothing of substance to say to make it go away. I can't make her life better, and I'm not very good at making her feel better either.
This is the longest stretch in 6 years that we have spent together, and it has been really hard. Taz is awe inspiring in the way he just gets in there, and exercises the most beautiful patience and compassion I have ever seen. Seriously, that man needs to be a social worker or something. He has so much potential to relate to people! When I am getting frazzled and snappish with her at the end of the day, he steps in and takes over the conversation, and I disappear into my room to recover myself and mull over how unfair the world can be.
Conversations of pregnancy have become strange for me too. Every time we discuss anything to do with Amelia, she gets a wistful expression and says something like "I raised you. I never thought you would have a baby before me." or, "I would give anything in the world to trade places with you." I know she would, but there's a whole world of discrimination preventing that. Men don't look twice at her. She's very shy and timid when meeting strangers (probably more the result of 38 years of bullying than her disability). More than one person has told her she shouldn't have children. Who knows what the medical profession would say to her if she did manage to get pregnant? Who knows what well-meaning child welfare program would get involved?
Last night she was crying on my shoulder, saying she was just so "confused" about why just this once, she couldn't "get her way". And there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to make that better. There isn't a medication for loneliness, and there is no cure for social stigmatisation.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
A Long Week
This week, Taz and I are playing host and hostess with the bestest of intentions. And its been interesting. My older sister is in town for the better part of the week, and now that she's spent four days at my younger sis's place and they've visited (i.e. bickered) each other into sibling-overexposure, she is staying with me until next Thursday. So....that makes this day 3 of....7. That's not halfway...
Right now, we are in the library on campus so that we can all access the internet without fighting over the single laptop at home. (Yes, we are *gasp* a single laptop couple. And its 5 years old. With no internet connection. Sometimes when I tell this to people on campus, I get pity faces like it must be physically painful not to get on the internet at home. But I digress.)
Taz and I don't usually have company stay for a long time. Sure, we get the occasional parental overnight or friend who crashes after drinks with dinner, but most of the time its just us two in there. This is the longest I've had to "behave" in my own home in 18 months with hubby, and its been a challenge. You develop couple habits, like language short-forms that other people don't understand, naked Saturday afternoons, and early morning conversation routines that go something like
"morning"
"unnngg. Coffee?"
"Counter. Dog?"
"After"
But when you have a guest in the house, all that changes. You have to remember to close the door when you're changing, for example, a habit I'm having a lot of trouble remembering. This is a looong 7 days.
But there is a deepr point to this blog post than the inconvenience of having to cover my butt in my own house for a week. This has been a hard couple days for my conscience. I can't write about it at the moment, because I don't have time and I need to sort out how I feel in the end, but I'm posting this now so I can hold myself responsible to it later and actually get the damn thought down. Maybe in four days when the apartment has returned to its usual state, and we can cook dinner in the buff again.
Right now, we are in the library on campus so that we can all access the internet without fighting over the single laptop at home. (Yes, we are *gasp* a single laptop couple. And its 5 years old. With no internet connection. Sometimes when I tell this to people on campus, I get pity faces like it must be physically painful not to get on the internet at home. But I digress.)
Taz and I don't usually have company stay for a long time. Sure, we get the occasional parental overnight or friend who crashes after drinks with dinner, but most of the time its just us two in there. This is the longest I've had to "behave" in my own home in 18 months with hubby, and its been a challenge. You develop couple habits, like language short-forms that other people don't understand, naked Saturday afternoons, and early morning conversation routines that go something like
"morning"
"unnngg. Coffee?"
"Counter. Dog?"
"After"
But when you have a guest in the house, all that changes. You have to remember to close the door when you're changing, for example, a habit I'm having a lot of trouble remembering. This is a looong 7 days.
But there is a deepr point to this blog post than the inconvenience of having to cover my butt in my own house for a week. This has been a hard couple days for my conscience. I can't write about it at the moment, because I don't have time and I need to sort out how I feel in the end, but I'm posting this now so I can hold myself responsible to it later and actually get the damn thought down. Maybe in four days when the apartment has returned to its usual state, and we can cook dinner in the buff again.
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